{The truth} About pregnancy

[cheesiest im happy fake smile i have ever given]

Truth:most mothers will tell you that pregnancy is AMAZING and beautiful. They are either freaks of nature and truly enjoyed themselves or they are compulsive LIARS...

1) the first noticeable change you will experience is Sleepiness!.... the first 12 weeks i worked 7-3 then slept 3-6 woke up ate and bathed then slept 8-6am!

2) the next awesome thing was pizza face..nasty acne all the time, I have never in my life had acne so this really surprised me.

3) I got a flu vaccine (even tho i did NOT want to) and then got a horrible rash ALL over my body.

4) Sleep...whats that? after you exit 1st trimester you STOP sleeping all together.

5) Constipation...12 days without going..can u imagine what that feels like?

6) Hemorrhoids, once you do finally go..YOU WILL get hemorrhoids no matter what you think. You are not above getting them. towards the end ROID RAGE takes on a whole new meaning you never imagined.

7) Pain. everything will hurt all the time 

8) Kicks, the beautiful kicks you have heard so much about and waited for, within days of the first kick the specialness of it goes right out the window! Kicks in your vagina or the baby backing its ass up into your rib cage HURT.

9) Swollen Vagina, thats right i said it. Your Vagina gets big and puffy and you will want to curl up and die. But thankfully you cant see your vagina so you quickly forget about it. 

10) Advice, people CANT WAIT to tell you their opinion on everything pregnancy and baby related. You will hear every single women's birth story that you encounter. 

11) Swelling, yet another thing i thought i was going to avoid...Im an asshole for ever thinking that. standing for 5 mins will make you legs/toes/feet swell up to shrek proportions. 

12) Shaving, HAHA ok nope not happening anymore

13) Peeing, ALL THE GODDAMN TIME. Bc the moment you stop drinking water YouWILL get braxton hicks so instead you drink the fluid that makes u pee 24/7 

14) Baby yet? really people go F*ck yourself. If i hear this question one more time i may shoot someone. No i have not had the baby yet and thats BECAUSE SHES NOT DUE FOR 15 MORE DAYS!

I will Never tell a pregnant women again "your still pregnant?" because i now know that no one is more aggravated by this then her!

Ok, so I know I just made pregnancy sound awful but at the end of the day...I know its beyond worth it and I will of course do it again :)